Yesterday was an extraordinary day. It's not that anything out of the ordinary happened. The day was quite typical. I got up, had coffee, made the bed, went to work, came home. All the usual things one does during the day. What was extraordinary was my attitude towards life has finally seemed to shift in the right direction. I finally realized that life is perfect the just way it is right now.
I have spent most of my life trying to make to make things perfect. When I played clarinet as a boy I would practice for hours and hours on end because I was never good enough. When I started singing it was the same thing. Hours and hours of practice and I was never good enough.
As a young man I became obsessed with my appearance. I would spend hours in front of the mirror doing my hair, ironing my clothes and making sure the pastel blue of my socks was the exact shade of blue in my shirt (it was the 80s so I get some slack here) and I never looked good enough.
In the 90s I went on this journey of self discovery where I would examine each and every thing that was wrong in my life and was wrong with me. I didn't really do anything about it, I just looked at it. I examined my inner child so closely that my outer adult grew weary. Nothing was good enough.
In my late 30s I started obsessing about the "shoulds." I should be further in my career. I should own a house. I should have these kinds of friends and those kinds of things. Nothing was good enough.
The last year I completely spiraled deep into a little midlife crisis. Now I knew it was me that not good enough and it was too late. For so long I have never been completely satisfied with anything, mostly myself. I was certain I was too old to change and life was what it was - not good enough. I have spent a lot of time regretting the past and looking for more in the future. I have never sat and just enjoyed the present. I mean really enjoyed the present until yesterday.
Last night when I was getting ready for bed I had this new and wonderful feeling - contentment. I don't think I have ever really felt that so strongly or so completely. This really didn't come out of the blue. I have been working on this for a long time and recently I have been working really hard at it. Well, it paid off. This feeling, though, is not what I expected. It's better. I finally know that my life, right now, is perfect. Everything about it is perfect. My job, my friends, my partner, my birds, my home and most importantly me! Everything is as it should be. Right here, right now.
Yesterday really was an extraordinary day. It was perfect.
Posted by Sean